Mom's Beautiful Smile



 

My mom struggled through life with many disappointments, rejection, betrayal, and pain.  She was born in Seattle, WA, August 26, 1931.  She didn’t like speaking about her childhood and her past very much.  But as she got older – and especially in her last few years as she was struggling with failing health – she would share a bit more about her life each time we would spend time together.

Her father left her mother when my mom was very young.  Her mom then died while she was just a young girl – and then there was a guardian who took advantage of a trust fund, leaving my mom with confusion and betrayal as her early impression of important people in her life.  After many more difficult times in her life – she headed East and came to Brooklyn, NY.

Without going into the continued struggles she faced – I remember a 28-year-old mother of three girls suddenly faced with loss once again.  I came home from school for lunch and found tons of relatives in our living room – all trying to comfort my mom, while at the same time very upset themselves. 

 

I was told that Daddy had died – and that for awhile, we were going to stay with Aunt Jenny (Daddy’s sister) until things settled.  The next few weeks and months were a blur to me.  As time went by – and only being a 7-year-old girl – the concept that Daddy wasn’t coming back was very strange to me.  He always said “Goodbye” to me whenever he went anywhere – and I kept saying, “But he didn’t say goodbye to me.”

But time passed – hearts healed a bit – as much as they can in a time where not many people spoke of pain – and definitely didn’t speak with their children about their pain, loss, or death.

 

Mom eventually met someone, while commuting – now that she had to work.  A handsome New York City cab driver was quite taken by my beautiful mother.  He would make sure he was near our apartment complex to drive her to work each morning.  Soon, they dated and we met him. 

 

He was smart enough to bribe us with a sweet puppy – my first dog, Pocchie.  Handing this teeny puppy through a small sliding door on our kitchen screen window won my heart.  Soon afterwards, he became my Daddy, and we all moved to a new house in Syosset, LI.

My beautiful Mom would soon smile again, taking care of our new family and home.  Was it a perfect life?  Of course not.  Who has that perfect life anyway?  But Mom enjoyed caring for me and my two younger sisters, and fussing over her new home – and she loved decorating for various seasons and holidays.  We weren’t in Syosset for a very long time before we moved to Levittown, LI.  Unfortunately we always seemed to move during the school year, and I was always saying goodbye to friends and then being the new kid in the class.  We were in Levittown through part of my first year of Junior High – when we moved once again - to Rego Park, Queens.

Mom and Dad had a bumpy relationship, which continued until near when Mom became ill and Dad had to care for her.  But Dad was given the opportunity to show Mom how very much he really did love her, by caring for her, loving her, and telling her every day that she was the most beautiful woman he had ever met (no matter how ill she became).

Looking back, I see so much of my Mom in who I have become as a woman myself; her love of family, her creativity, her love for art, nature and crafts; trying to see the best in everyone and trusting many, even those who do not deserve her trust; her joy in cooking for her family, especially for special occasions and holidays.  And especially her sarcastic sense of humor and silliness – and her ability to laugh at herself.

She was taken from me much too early in my life.  I was only 41 and Mom was only 62.  I know many have lost their mothers much earlier in life – but anytime is too soon. 

       

           

My Mom was there for my wedding and then to comfort me during a sad divorce.  She did get time with my son and daughter and each of my sister’s sons – but they were all so young to lose their Grandma.  I only wish she could see each of them now, and especially her great grandchildren!

But I hold on to the many memories of my dear, sweet Mom – who I knew loved me more than words can say.  Of her soft hand holding my tiny hand as we walked around when I was very small.  Of her fussing over my pretty dresses and brushing my hair – making me feel so special.

I hold on to a weekend getaway when I took her to Sturbridge, MA soon before she became homebound.  Of our running around through the village, antique shops, going out for great dinners and the hours and hours of conversations we had while away.  Of the belly laughs each night we returned to our hotel room and started getting so tired that we became punchy. 

I hold on to all the years of her teaching me about life – the wisdom she shared, even when she didn’t even know she was doing so - and when I was too young to truly understand.  I hold on to our hours and hours of chatting at her bedside about disappointments in life – but then of hope, faith, and love. 

 



 

I hold on to Mom’s beautiful smile!