A Burning Within My Heart

“The average person in the world today, without faith and without God and without hope, is engaged in a desperate personal search and struggle throughout his lifetime.  He does not really know what he is doing here.  He does not know where he is going.” – A.W. Tozer

Whenever we turn that calendar from one year to the next, most everyone seems it necessary to “start again.”  Resolutions – New Beginnings – Promises – Diets – Attitude Adjustments – etc.  These usually last a few months at best, some only a few weeks.

What makes it so difficult for us to step-it-up, make a change, learn from our past pain, experiences and mistakes, and turn around?  What is deep within our souls holding onto old habits – anger, selfishness, and unforgiveness?

I know for myself, before I allowed God to reach deep within my soul and capture my heart, I didn’t see my true self.  I fell into the mistake time and time again, believing that I was “OK” – that I was a caring person and was selfless.

As my faith grew, and my awareness of who I was without God being a major part of my life, I realized that even my “good deeds, my kindness, my giving my time for others” usually only felt complete once I was acknowledged, thanked and recognized.  So much for selflessness!

In this world, love seems to have gone from mankind’s heart, now and me seems the mantra of today’s youth, and forgiveness is used more to manipulate and abuse rather than to heal.  Even protesters, starting with a plea for justice, end up stirring the air of hate and unforgiveness.  As a result, the gap seems to widen rather than close in.  Sin seems to have overtaken human nature as cancer does the human body.

The more God’s grace filled my heart, the more I knew I am nothing without him, without his love, without his purpose for my life.  I continue to hold onto his word, his promises to me, that with him I can know my purpose in this world.  I can see my surroundings through his eyes, mourning the overwhelming evil, but at the same time allowing him to live in and through me as I share my life with those around me.

My Christian faith allows me to have a personal relationship with the God of the universe, the God who created me, the God who felt it worthy that he should lay down his life for me.  And as with any relationship, I must communicate with him by time spent in prayer, reading his word daily, and allowing him to guide my path. As a result joy becomes fervent, hearts are pressed together, and my soul can shine with the influence of God to those around me.  He brings people into my life that I can encourage and care for as he does me.  I have been given a great and mighty privilege to share my faith with others.  

So as I begin another year . . . I pause with thankfulness and humility.  The Lord graced me with faith.  I move forward knowing he is with me, he will carry me through trials and difficult days, he will encourage me with his word and his presence, and he will give me a peace that surpasses all understanding. 

I recall the way the two travelers felt as they unknowingly walked with the risen Lord, “And they said to one another, were not our hearts greatly moved and burning within us while he was talking with us on the road and he opened and explained the scriptures?” (Luke 24:32)

I thank the Lord that not only do I have these same scriptures to burn within my heart, he walks along with me on my road of life, and he lives in and through me as I continue on this journey. 

Show me your ways, Lord,
    teach me your paths.
Guide me in your truth and teach me,
    for you are God my Savior,
    and my hope is in you all day long. – Psalm 25:4-5

A Father's Heart

I was chatting with a friend at work about our parents – seeing them age and struggle in their later years, remembering so many great times with them throughout our lives – and this brought back memories, memories, memories.

I had written a bit about my Dad in a past blog, actually my Step-Dad, meeting my Mom once she returned to work after my father died when I was only 7.  Once he met her, he “just happened to be near our apartment” each morning when she left for work.

He was a NYC Cabbie – a true Cabbie that you see in old movies and TV; hard working, super friendly, chatting up a storm with his customers, picking up celebrities and telling us about them when he came home from work (along with some autographed pictures).

 

 

This handsome New York City cab driver was quite taken by my beautiful mother.  Soon they were dating and eventually my mom brought him home to meet me and my two sisters.

 

 

He definitely knew how to win my heart.  One day he stood outside our kitchen window and passed a teeny puppy through the small sliding door on our window screen.  Mom and Bill continued to date and soon he became Daddy.

They had a bumpy relationship, in a world where step families were stereotyped, where blending families was not the norm, unless one was a widow and all the children were to live in the same home.

Dad dealt with such guilt as he spent so much time with me and my sisters, unable to be with his own children as much as he would like.  I remember standing in front of my parent’s dresser looking at the large framed picture hanging above it and asking so many questions about these three children.  Dad would tear-up and not say much.  Mom would talk to me a bit more when he was at work.  I knew how much it hurt to have lost my father and never be able to see him again, so I would always think that at least these children could see their Daddy on Sundays; not realizing how very difficult that was for all of them.

Eventually we met his son, while he lived with us for a short time.  I now had a “brother” and thought this was so cool.  We lived, laughed and fought as if we were brother and sister for years, getting into trouble and paying the consequences when Dad came home from work.  But I still wondered about my “other sisters.”

Life continued and later we finally all met, too late to have enough memories as young children but still time to get to know each other and grow to care very much for each other in this stage of our lives.

Dad was a tough disciplinarian – old school – Italian temper – no gray areas.  Difficult while we were growing up – but hey, I think I turned out pretty well, and sometimes I see some of his ways were not so wrong after all.

 

His heart softened as he aged and as Mom became ill, while he had to care for her.  As he saw her struggle in her last years, he was given the opportunity to show Mom how very much he loved her; caring for her, loving her, and telling her every day that she was the most beautiful woman he had ever met (no matter how ill she became).

 

Mom passed away and Dad lost the love of his life.  I’ve said that before, but it’s the only way to describe this loss for him.  He still talks about how beautiful, loving, caring and special Mom was to him – and tears up anytime he speaks about her.

 

His present joy is now in his children and their families and lives.  The more of us that are together in one place – the more joy he experiences.  When we are blessed, he is overwhelmed with blessings of his own.  When we struggle, his heart aches for whatever is going on in our lives.  If he could find a way to “fix it all” for each of us – he would.

I think back at how he came into my life – through loss.  How his heart was softened and how close we’ve become – through loss.  How much he now means to me and how very blessed I am to have the chance to share this time in my life with him. 

 

His past struggles, his life-lessons, and his experiences are golden nuggets that he passes on to each of us to hold onto forevermore.

Random Acts of Kindness

I saw a link to a video on facebook which started out with the following quote:

“Carry out random acts of kindness, with no expectation of reward, safe in the knowledge that one day someone might do the same for you.” – Princess Diana

After watching the video – I was reminded how very little is needed to touch someone’s life profoundly.  I started to question myself, “What have I done lately for someone else?  Whose heart am I touching?  Have I brought a smile to someone recently?”

I spent some time in prayer and then knew what I was going to do.

First, I headed out to some neighborhood stores and gathered some gifts.  Once I returned home, I made a pot of homemade chicken soup.



 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

I then put together two large gift bags with special items; a warm fleece throw, warm spa socks, magazines, puzzle books, sugar free candy, sugar free cookies, sugar free hot chocolate, note pad and pens, healing hand cream, lip balm, and boxes of tissues.

After packing them up neatly, and getting together some containers of the chicken soup, I planned my visits to two of my elderly neighbors – Frank and then Ethel.

 

I usually have to call Frank before ringing his bell, since he never can hear the doorbell, due to his hearing loss and having his television blasting a few feet from his chair.  Frank is in his late 80’s.

When I identified myself on the phone, he laughed and asked, “Are you checking up on me?” – which is his usual response once I let him know its me.

 

My usual response – “not really, but would that be so bad?”  He chuckled and then I asked if I could visit him for a minute.  He gladly welcomed me into his apartment.

I told him I was thinking of him and thought he could use some special goodies.  I took the gift bag and started pulling out the various items, identifying each as I placed them on his table.

I truly believe after each item his smile grew wider and wider.  I told him that I have been praying for him and that I will continue to do so.  He said it 'felt like Christmas’ and this meant so much to him.

He asked me to sit and stay for awhile.  He talked about his past and how he is handling aging.  He shared about his hobbies and how he can’t really do so many of them anymore, due to his age.  He showed me an unbelievable model of a ship that he had hand built years back and one he has been working on for the past year.  He explained each detail, including metal anchors and intricate rigging, rolled sails, wood inlay hull, inlay deck, an ornate stern and many more. The wood on the deck was beautiful; every detail was so real that you wanted to just go on board the ship.  He was hoping he could finish this last one for his grandson, who’s now married and has children of his own.  His work was meticulous.

We chatted more and more – our visit was about 1-1/2 hours.  Then we said our farewells.  I then went back to my apartment and just paused, remembering the many years I’ve known Frank – since I moved into my apartment in 1982.  His wife ran a pre-school that both my children attended.  She passed away many years ago.

I then called my other neighbor Ethel.  Ethel has a live-in caretaker, who answered the phone.  I introduced myself and asked her if she would ask Ethel if I could visit with her for a moment.  She told me Ethel was in bed for the night and perhaps I could come by tomorrow.  The next morning, I called again and was able to stop by and see Ethel.

Ethel was so excited when I came in, after I stood approximately 6 inches in front of her and she was able to see me.  She smiled as she recognized me and called my name.  Ethel is in her mid-90’s.

As I did with Frank – I told her she was on my mind and that I had some gifts for her.  As I started to take them out of the bag, she began to cry.

I put her hands in mine – small, thin, so very frail, and held them for a moment.  I told her to enjoy this moment of being loved and let’s look at the fun goodies I had for her.  Once we finished, I handed the soup to her caretaker to put away and asked Ethel if she wanted me to put the other items back in the bag or leave them out.  She opted for leaving them out – so she can look at them and feel loved.

Ethel too, I’ve known since I moved into my apartment.  But I grew to know her personally after her husband passed away, probably over 20 years ago, when I went to the funeral service and visited her when she was sitting Shiva.  She was so touched that I came to the service and visited her and we continued to have many conversations, holding each other’s mail when we were each away, sitting on the neighborhood bench talking, etc., until she became homebound.  I try to visit her occasionally, but I know I don’t do so as much as I really could.

What amazes me is that both Frank & Ethel will never be able “to do anything” for me, and yet they actually have.  They each trust me to come into their home.  They are touched that I would visit, bring homemade soup or occasionally other dishes, and now allowed me to visit and give them these bags of goodies. 

They have no idea the gift they have given me.  They’ve allowed my heart to love a bit more; they’ve allowed me to reach out and touch their hearts; they’ve allowed me to understand the gift of giving – which can only be understood when done without motive.

“Carry out random acts of kindness, with no expectation of reward, safe in the knowledge that one day someone might do the same for you.” – Princess Diana

 

A Noteworthy Case

Meet Sherlock & Watson.

After these two inquisitive detectives finished working on a special case at the Peace Plantation Animal Sanctuary in Walton NY, they headed over to North Shore Animal League America to investigate the possibility of a new place to call home. 

After Sherlock’s deductive reasoning proved successful – Sherlock & Watson now reside in Flushing Queens – with me!

 



 

 

 



 









Farewell Sweet Angel

Last night I said goodbye to a dear, sweet angel – my dog Maggie.

She was the silliest, sweetest, best little friend anyone could ever ask for.  She celebrated her 17^th birthday this past April, and loved me no matter what . . . hopefully she felt the same love in return from me until the very end of her life.

The very beginning of her life began looking a bit uncertain.  She was not only given a chance at life but I was also given a chance to experience a love that was so precious from this cute little puppy.

I will hold onto so many precious memories of our years together – below are some favorites:

- her never-ending wagging tail

- the way she greeted me whether I was away for a minute dumping the garbage, or away on vacation

- the way she jumped down running around when I asked, “Where’s your toy?”

- how she shook that toy while it “fought with her” and then finally brought it to me

- when she heard the elevator bell ring in my hallway she got excited because someone might be visiting

- her disappointment when she heard another apartment door close – knowing they were not visiting us

- when someone did ring our doorbell - for some reason she first ran after the cat - chasing her down the hall - then ran back to the door

- how she carried a stick, head held high, prancing while we walked around our neighborhood
- she got excited when she got a new leash, collar and harness - such a girl loving the wardrobe!

- how she waited in front of the stove, sniffing for hours, whenever I made homemade tomato sauce

- how much she loved a treat of macaroni & sauce with her food

- her strange obsession with toast – plain ol’ toast – and would get so excited while I was toasting bread

- how she danced around the kitchen anytime I made popcorn – and then shared some with her

- how she would run back & forth barking under my living room window – and when I looked down 6 stories – I would see someone calmly & quietly walking their dog

- how she constantly followed me from room to room whenever I was busy running around my apartment – always lying down directly behind me

- how such a small dog could take up so much room in a queen sized bed

There is so much more . . . but most of all, I’m amazed at how much of my heart she captured, how deep in my soul she reached, and how blessed I am to have had her in my life. 

Farewell sweet angel.

BAM!

Oh how I LOVE TO COOK!  How I LOVE TO SHARE A MEAL!  And oh, how I LOVE TO EAT!

Get a bunch of friends together to cook some favorite, delicious meals for a pot luck – and BAM – it’s an International Cook Off!

I shared a dish that I had made with one of my friends at work, and as she was eating it for lunch, two guys sitting near her asked what she was eating.  She told them I made a special dish for her and I was now being approached and asked, “Where’s ours?”

I promised that I would include them in my next shared dish, but after awhile, with further discussion – we all decided to each bring in a favorite dish and have a pot luck lunch.

The taste buds were tingling – the questions were being asked, “What are you bringing?”  The choices were all over the place.

After awhile – and with growing appetites . . . the day came and there we were – at our 1^st International Cook Off!

 



 



Lisa’s Curried Chicken









Manny’s Crispy Fried Shrimp



Stan’s Korean Chap Jae Noodles & Kimbap

 

 

Nancy’s Cajun Jambalaya



 

Maddie’s Brazilian Feijoada

  

Jenna’s Quinoa with Butternut Squash

   with Goat Cheese & Walnuts

 

 



Emmogene’s Spaghetti Aglio E Olio with Pancetta



 

Bob’s Baked Ziti & Meatballs



Special guest appearance with additional treats:

 

Verna’s Homemade Cornbread

 

Janet’s Ice Box Cake
 

 

BAM!  This was amazing!





"Nonna, come play with me!"

“Nonna, come play with me!”

 

Oh the plea of my grandchild asking me to play.

I am so blessed!  Being Nonna to 4 amazing children – the youngest only 6 weeks old – is a gift given to me by the amazing God that breathed life into each of these precious children.

I became Nonna for the first time on November 28, 2003 and again for the fourth time, with my newest grandchild just recently, August 30, 2013.  Three boys and one girl, Justin, Jonathan, Emmaline & Silas.

They live in Union, Kentucky – which makes our visits actual planned trips either to KY or to NYC.  Many may think this is very difficult with the many miles between – yet each visit is more than a quick visit, a couple of hours at a playground, or a one-night sleep over.

 

Each visit is time to stay at length with each other; waking for breakfast, making plans for the day, silliness & giggles, chatting during dinner, reading bedtime stories, and of course, tons of time to play.  We’ve made it work and each time we are together we catch up as much as possible.

 

My son officiated a wedding this past weekend, here in NYC.  He and his wife planned on coming and staying with me with their newest baby, Silas, who is 6 weeks old.  This would be when I would meet Silas and get to pour love on him for hours and days at a time.  After looking into some “flyer miles” they decided to bring my granddaughter Emma as well.  She is 3 ½.  The older boys had a fun weekend staying with some special friends back in KY.

As soon as they arrived, Emma ran in hugging me, peeking over my shoulder trying to get a glimpse of what exciting activities Nonna might have planned.

 

Hello Silas, I'm Nonna.

 

 

 

 

And then there was Silas, my sweet youngest grandson.  Once I got a hold of him – it was hard to ever put him down.

 



The five days they stayed with me were hectic with a rehearsal dinner, wedding plans, visits with other family members, a fundraising banquet for an organization I’m involved with, and whatever else popped up.  Yet we found many hours to spend together, many meals together, going to "Nonna's playground," catching up with each other, and of course – playing, playing, playing.

 



Our visits are precious – our love even more so – and I am reminded of how very blessed I am to be given the privilege of being called Nonna!

A flower for Nonna!