A Journey of the Heart - Departure & Arrival

Our Team of 15 from our church had been praying and preparing for this very moment – we were on our way to Haiti – to serve the Lord through the people and especially the children in Haiti.

We were divided into various groups to be picked up Friday morning at approximately 6am – to head to JFK Airport.  Our Youth Leader was coming by my apartment complex to pick up 4 of us.  All were amazingly awake – prior to breakfast or coffee – and anxious to get moving.

As we drove on the Van Wyck Expressway toward the airport we were all reading the signs designating which terminal we should exit for – according to airline and country traveling to.  Delta Airlines had an abundance of signs, listings, terminal numbers, etc., except no mention of Haiti – or anything that sounded like it could be included.  We picked an exit – wound around the various roadways and eventually parked, unloaded our luggage and started the cell phone calls to see where the rest of our team was – hoping they were at the same terminal.

Eventually we all connected – began gathering the vast array of luggage being taken – which included mostly carry-on bags for each of us – possibly 1 other bag – but then there were at least 1 or 2 additional bags for each of us to check as well.  This was our way of bringing supplies - children’s clothing, shoes, and sandals; medical supplies; food for the team’s stay; a complete suitcase dedicated for VBS – supplies, crafts, etc., which my daughter coordinated and prepared for the children in L’Espinasse.  We marked all our luggage with bright yellow masking tape, to make it easier to identify our luggage at the baggage claim in Haiti. 

Checking and scanning passports went pretty well – with only approximately 4 of us needing assistance getting our boarding passes.  We were on our way . . . all I wanted was something for breakfast and a large, strong cup of coffee.  As we headed toward the gate – we realized hours has passed – and we had just enough time to grab a quick Starbucks coffee and a muffin – and rush towards the gate.  As we were dashing down the hallway, a woman driving a passenger cart through the terminal yelled over to us, “Where are you headed?”  Being just a wee bit anxious, I almost answered, “Haiti” – when I realized she obviously meant, which gate?  We gave her our gate number and she said – “hop on, I’ll take you there.”  It’s a good thing – the distance from that point to the actual gate was much farther than we expected, through and around various hallways, and when we arrived – they were already boarding the plane.

How with us leaving my home at 6am for a 9:45 flight was it was already boarding time?  This told me that maybe, just maybe, everything didn’t go as smooth as it initially seemed when checking in.  But we made it, boarded, put carry-ons in the appropriated compartments and settled in for our nearly 4 hour flight.

I began to pray and journal, reflecting on this amazing opportunity I was given to travel to Haiti, serve the people, test my faith and how all this developed over the last 6 plus months.  I prayed that I would be still and allow the Lord to guide me and teach me all he wanted, while giving me the gift of serving those in Haiti – this was such a blessing for me.

With a snooze, some music, a bit of reading . . . we arrived at Port au Prince International Airport in Haiti.  We left the plane and headed to Immigration, filling out paperwork and being checked before heading to baggage claim.  There was one concrete building that everyone arriving from various flights where all gathered in; temperatures were near 100, no windows, no fans, no order what-so-ever when it came to getting our luggage.  A short conveyor belt (which gave a small opening to the outside world and a bit of the outside air) moved at high speed – with bags constantly being added – hitting barriers when turning, falling off onto the floor, creating piles and piles of luggage being attacked by hundreds of peopled searching for their bags.  If they came across another, it would just be tossed aside in a pile.  I stood there wondering, will anyone – just one person – honestly get the correct bag before we all melt into a puddle and flow out of this building?

But Sean, the son of our hosts in Haiti and Sharon, from our church who works directly with Children In Need, familiar with Haiti Chaos – just smiled and took control.  Carts, we need carts!  People stationed at various spots along the conveyor belt! Others running from pile to pile!  Yellow tape, yellow tape, yellow tape . . .  Slowly – ever so slowly – we gathered all the pieces and counted, double checked, counted and checked again.

There stood my Pastor, a man with such energy and stamina, and always something to say - looking like a lost soul and speechless!  Speechless and surrounded by mountains of luggage!

Eventually we pushed our way to the last check point.  They usually check every bag against every baggage tag given with our boarding passes.  With 30 plus bags this could definitely be a life-long event.  Sean was the only one who spoke fluent Creole, so he stepped over to the security officer and chatted a bit, hoping to get permission for us to leave as a “group” and not have to juggle bags vs. tickets.  Before I knew it – we were told to have our passports out and move quickly towards the exit.  All I could think of is we were headed towards some fresh air.

Hot, blistering air – was more like it.  We pushed carts, carried bags, pushed suitcases on wheels, and walk at least ½ – ¾ mile to where we were being picked up to go to our home for the next 11 days. 

We arrived at a “Tap Tap” – a large vehicle, similar to a large pick-up truck with bench seats, open sides and a tin roof.  The back has a caged-like door, that closes and locks, keeping us securely in and unwanted others out.  Our driver greeted us along with his assistant, a young man who would be traveling with us for our entire trip.  Immediately they took charge – climbing and loading all of our luggage onto the top of the Tap Tap.  Piled at a ridiculous height, with rope pulled throughout handles, over and under bags, and finally being secured (or so they said) – we were ready to climb aboard and find a seat.

Tap Taps buses or pick-up trucks serve as shared taxis in Haiti, many are gaily painted.  People run up waving to “hop on” as it travels along. 

The young man, sitting in the back – or hanging on the outside of the back – if totally filled – lets people on or off accordingly.  They are usually filled to capacity – and further – with additional passengers hanging on the outside as well.  Tap Tap literally means “quick quick” and when a passenger is either getting on or off the young man taps the side of the truck – signaling to the driver.  This particular Tap Tap, driver and assistant, were hired to be with us for our entire missions trip – taking us everywhere we needed – or at least as far as they could, before we had to get off and continue on foot.

Our ride from the airport to “home” would take anywhere from 2-3 hours.  Driving through the city of Port au Prince, we saw the devastation left from the earthquake of 2010 – destruction, poverty, the many tent cities so many are still living in, endless dust, garbage, people trying whatever they can do to survive by selling their farmed goods, crafts, artwork, etc. 


No traffic lights, no designated traffic laws or signs of any kind – cars, motorcycles, hundreds of people on foot, and animals crowding the streets – going in all directions.  As we got further from the city and closer to the country and mountain area – the paved roads ended and we were driving on dirt roads with major craters, rocks, boulders, etc. 

“Bumpy” is an understatement!  We bounced around that Tap-Tap, and although we were nearly thrown from our seats many times . . . not one bag on top was even shifted!

Heading further up the mountains – the beauty of Haiti took our breath away.  Both silence and gasps of amazement came from each of us as we saw the countryside; including the most amazing mountain ranges I could ever imagine.  Steep mountains, all rolling drastically into one another.  Small roadways wound around the mountains to take you up one side only to go down another – and continue this until you’ve reached your destination. 

The drop on the side of the unpaved, rocky, dirt roadway was severe – looking down miles along the side of the mountains.  And ever-so-often, a vehicle would come barreling down in the opposite side, or driving quickly behind us – honking their horn as a warning that they were going to pass our Tap Tap.  We literally held our breathe each time, until a few days into the trip realizing, somehow they knew how to drive these narrow dirt roads along these massive mountains with ease.

After traveling miles, dealing with traffic and the driving on unpaved, rocky roads – we finally reached the home we would be staying in at 6:00 pm.

From pick-up in Flushing NY until arrival at L’Espinasse Haiti – it took us 12 hours.  And we hadn’t even begun our official journey yet!

This was only the beginning . . .

Home from Haiti

We returned from an awesome mission’s trip to Haiti last night - a part of my heart will always remain in that nation. I don't think stories and pictures will ever convey the true beauty of Haiti, the resilience of its people, the hope in the eyes of its children, the extreme poverty due to a corrupt and uncaring government, and yet the amazing faith that keeps these people going - focusing on their Lord each day rather than their circumstances.


Once I go through my "photos" I will attempt to share about each of our day's activities and the amazing people we were privileged to share 11 days of our lives with.

Haiti Bound

Heading for Haiti!

Lwanj pou Seyè Jezi Kris la.

Trip to Haiti officially begins today - Friday, June 24 at 6:00 am!  I’m looking forward to sharing about this amazing experience when I return. Please keep me, this trip, our team, and all we will serve in your prayers.

Bondye beni nou.

Check out my post on June 4 to see how this opportunity for me all came to be . . .

Haiti Update

Then I heard the voice of the Lord saying,

“Whom shall I send?  And who will go for us?” 

And I said, “Here am I.  Send me!” – Isaiah 6:8

A short update on what’s been going on. 

Our team has been meeting with members of Children In Need Haitian Project (CINHP), learning a bit of Creole and discussing what tasks we will be involved in, preparing for this amazing opportunity that the Lord has given our church.  We will be in L’Espinasse, Haiti, high in the mountains outside Port-au-Prince, working with CINHP in various projects: helping with some construction in their school; painting the areas already completed; working with the children in some of their school programs; running a vacation bible school for the children; reaching out to the families of this area; assisting in a medical clinic; spending some time in Grace Village - a tent city that is still home to approximately 22,000 Haitian people – just one of the many tent cities in Haiti.

Our journey begins at 6am, Friday, June 24 – returning Monday evening, July 4.

I am so thankful for all who have supported me both financially and prayerfully, and ask that the prayers continue throughout this amazing journey.

Check out my post on June 4 to see how this opportunity for me all came to be . . .

Called to Haiti

When I sit in quiet and wait upon the Lord, I hear him calling me to step up my walk, stop compromising, and stop playing games.  A natural reaction is to think that I don’t do any outlandish un-Godly things in my life – but not doing outlandish Godly things can be even worse.

I may not totally turn my back on God, but how many times do I purposely turn towards him each day?  I may not curse his name, but am I praising his name constantly during my day?  I know I should be doing something more, but am I seeking him to know what that is?

This past summer after my car accident, I was literally caused to sit, wait, pray, listen, and take a look at my relationship with my Lord, Jesus Christ.  Being home from work for months, and especially not being able to use this time to catch up with things at home or anywhere else, gave me hours upon hours of being still.  As I continued to heal, I prayed that the Lord would give me opportunities to grow in my faith and truly hear his voice when he speaks to me.

At the beginning of the year, I was given the opportunity to consider going on a mission’s trip to Haiti this summer.  Our church was invited to participate in a mission trip with the Children In Need Haitian Project, a small charitable organization that began out of a love for the Haitian people and especially the Haitian children.  Their mission is to help impoverished Haitian families by working closely with local pastors and community leaders to provide Christian education, medical care, and job training.  They are located in the area of L’Espinasse, Haiti, high in the mountains outside Port-au-Prince.

Members of my church were asked to pray on whether or not they felt they should be a part of this, and if so, each person should raise support for their portion of this upcoming trip.  I prayed and then I read about Haiti; its government, its history, its precious people.

This all happened very near the anniversary of the horrendous earthquake that took place in Haiti early 2010.  The anniversary resulted in many special televised presentations, documentaries, and interviews with the Haitian people.  As I spent time praying and watching many of these programs, I felt my heart cry for the Haitian Nation, its people, and most especially their children.  I remembered the sadness I felt when the earthquake had first hit Haiti last year, yet now my heart was grieving for these people so much more. 

The Lord had truly placed a strong desire in my heart to step out of my comfort zone and help reach out to those who are in great need in Haiti.  I was certain I was to go on this mission trip. 

Then I heard the voice of the Lord saying, “Whom shall I send?  And who will go for us?”  And I said, “Here am I.  Send me!” – Isaiah 6:8

I put together a letter requesting support and sent it to family and friends.  Immediately I saw how the Lord was blessing my obedience by touching the hearts of many as support continued to pour into my mailbox, almost daily.  I received precious notes, email messages, and calls, with promises of prayers for both me and the team from my church going on this trip.

The Lord showed me that he had given me a chance to respond to a calling that is far beyond what is comfortable or what I felt could be possible.

I am excited with anticipation to see what the Lord will do through me in the lives of the many I will come in contact with during my time in Haiti.  I am so humbled and privileged to be given this opportunity to serve in His name.

Be Ready

The world had been waiting to see the end result of what was predicted about May 21, 2011.  Some to laugh and mock those believing this teaching, while others were “preparing” by marching through the streets with signs, t-shirts, and tracks – stating this is the “Day of Judgment”.  Now the “date” has been changed and is expected to be in October.

I find sadness in each of these groups of people.  The mockers – were they laughing at this particular teaching or at the understanding that the Lord will actually someday come back – or both?  Those who believe this was the day – were they “preparing” in a way that is biblical and in agreement to what the Lord calls us to do while we are on this earth?

Scripture states: “Therefore keep watch, because you do not know on what day your Lord will come.  But understand this: If the owner of the house had known at what time of night the thief was coming, he would have kept watch and would not have let his house be broken into.  So you also must be ready, because the Son of Man will come at an hour when you do not expect him.” – Matthew 24:42-44

This teaches us that the Lord Jesus will return; no one knows when and yet we are to “be ready”.

What does “be ready” mean?  It means to search God’s Word for truth – embrace the teaching that Jesus is Lord & Savior and accept him into your heart.  It means to continually study his Word, spend time in prayer and allow yourself to know, truly know, God.  It means to allow Him to conform you into His image - daily as you grow in faith and understanding.  It means to share your faith with others so many can come to the knowledge of Jesus Christ as their Lord & Savior.

It does not mean trying to out-guess what scripture says you do not know – it does not mean to cause many to panic and do foolish things – focusing more on a man’s teaching rather than the Word of God.  If the Lord say’s that he will come when we do not expect him, I would trust that we cannot figure it out, no matter what “system” we use.

I pray that if nothing else – the proof of this false teaching will cause many to wonder, search, & study to know the truth – God’s truth.

“And he who searches our hearts knows the mind of the Spirit, because the Spirit intercedes for God’s people in accordance with the will of God.  And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose.  For those God foreknew he also predestined to be conformed to the image of his Son, that he might be the firstborn among many brothers and sisters.  And those he predestined, he also called; those he called, he also justified; those he justified, he also glorified.” – Romans 8:27-30

Be Ready.

Unbroken

Unbroken: A World War II Story of Survival, Resilience, and Redemption

By: Laura Hillenbrand

Having been long interested in the resilience and commitment of veterans of war, I am drawn to stories regarding survivors of the atrocities of these wars.  Perhaps its hearing of the courage and will to persevere along with the determination to survive just one more day that reaches somewhere deep within my heart.

I heard an interview with Laura Hillenbrand, regarding her newly released book, Unbroken.  I knew at that moment this book was to be added to my “need to read” list.

This true story of Louis Zamperini drew me into a life of an unruly young boy growing into a rambunctious young man and finally coming into his own, only to be forced to grow up so much faster than anyone should have to. I was taken along on a journey of survival and strength beyond measure.

Sure, it’s a story of World War II, young boys becoming men, with a will to survive the horrors of Japanese POW camps.  But it’s so much more; it reveals the soul yearning to survive and always reaching towards redemption, but most times not truly grasping it, even running away from it.

The impeccable research by the author resulted in detail that brings the reader personally to each moment, almost able to smell the air in each scene.  So much so, Louie once told his friends, “When I want to know what happened to me in Japan, I call Laura.”

I find myself often thinking of Louie Zamperini – as a mother, would I have had the faith and strength to stay strong and hold on, even when faced with the news of my son’s most likely death; as a wife, would I myself have remained faithful for so long or turned away from the stranger now in my life; as a friend, would I have been able to remain true in spite of possibly losing the friend I hoped would return; as an American, touched at how much our military sacrifices for our nation’s principles and beliefs; as a Christian, knowing how true redemption can overcome more than we are physically and emotionally able to bear.

Redemption – the only way to complete healing and absolute true freedom.

A must read.

Mother's Day

I can remember it as if it was yesterday – receiving a phone call from my doctor telling me that my pregnancy test was positive.  Way back then, we had to go to the Dr., then to a lab, and wait patiently for our test results – none of this quick “pink or blue” or “positive or negative” deal on a stick.  From that moment on, my anticipation of actually being a mother and raising a child was overwhelming and yet exciting. 

January 7, 1979 my son was born.  After 30 hours of labor – and an unplanned cesarean birth – nothing mattered except that I was given a precious boy to love, teach, guide, and share my life with!

Three and a half years later, on June 3, 1982 my daughter was born.  And although she was a planned cesarean birth – she decided to kick up some labor four days earlier than her planned birth date – just to be sure her birth would also have some stories to share.

For 32 years I have been blessed with the name “Mommy.”  Together my children and I have been through many trials, joys, blessings and absolutely loving moments.  I have so many beautiful memories and am still building on what will one day become a lifetime of wonderful stories to tell generations ahead. 

Becoming a grandmother – “Nonna” to my grandchildren – only added to the amazing experience of being a mother.  As of now, I have 7-year-old and 4-year-old grandsons and a 1-year-old granddaughter.  I can’t even begin to describe the joy this has been for me.

My children were given to me as a gift and I was given the opportunity to prepare them for whatever the Lord had in store for their future.  Wherever I may have failed, the Lord must have stepped in, since both my son and daughter have grown into God-loving, God-serving adults and are each amazing blessings to me and so many others.

So on this Mother’s Day, a day when most pamper and bless their Mom, I am already blessed beyond words with the privilege to have been given children and grandchildren to share along my journey.  I await each day with great expectation to see what the Lord has planned for each of us.

Good Friday

Tonight I will be going to church, in honor of Good Friday. It seems interesting that we call a day that our Lord & Savior was tortured and killed “good.”  Yet, once you know him, truly know him, you will rejoice in the unconditional, grace-filled, merciful love offered by a most Holy God, in order that we may be worthy enough to stand before him when our time on earth ends.  Now that is truly Good!

The days that lead up to the celebration of the Resurrection of our Lord, Jesus Christ, magnifies how blessed I am; that he called me to be his child, to walk in his Word, to share in the hope that only lies in peace through the blood of his cross, in which I have been reconciled to him.

So as I prepare for our Good Friday Service, I remember what this Friday truly means.  It’s the opening in time which eternity entered the depth of man’s soul; for a life darkened by failure, it means forgiveness; for a heart scarred with futility, it gives purpose; for a soul approaching the darkness of death, it means deliverance.

Jesus said, “It is finished.” With that, he bowed his head and gave up his spirit. – John 19:30

Oh, let me respond to all he has called me to be, let me hear his voice when he beckons me, let me never forget this day, Good Friday.

So Blessed

It’s been a week since I returned from a 6-day cruise with my daughter.  Did I actually go away?  Was I swimming in the pristine waters of Mexico?  Was I served gourmet delights each evening for dinner?  Oh, how one week back at work can make all seem like such a distant memory!

Each summer my daughter and I usually take a vacation together, whether a week or a long weekend.  We enjoy getting away from our jobs & daily routine, going to a beach and/or pool, deciding each morning where we will be having dinner (food is always a main activity each day) and tons of chatting and laughing. 

Due to my car accident this past summer – just a couple of days before we were to head out to Montauk – we had to cancel our vacation.  We did so, hoping to reschedule something in the middle to late fall.  My daughter suggested we wait a bit and see if we could plan a cruise – giving ourselves a real treat.

We had an amazing time on Royal Caribbean’s Liberty of the Seas – cruising on sunny days with average temperatures of 90 degrees – sunning – reading – shopping - snorkeling – going to shows – dancing - and of course consuming more food than any human should attempt.  We visited Belize, Costa Maya and Cozumel.  Each had its own special flair of culture and beauty.

I had an absolutely amazing time!  As I think back on all the memories of this special vacation – I am constantly recalling the precious moments with my daughter.  I am so blessed to not only have her as my daughter, but as she has grown into such a beautiful young woman, I have also been given a dear friend for life. 

She brings me such joy and we are able to share so many moments together; our thoughts, dreams, tears and laughter.  Trusting and challenging one another comes so easily for us and sharing our faith brings such a depth to our relationship.  I have watched her grow into an amazing woman of God.  Her desire to serve the Lord, both in our church and all aspects of her life, brings such warmth to my heart. 

Whether visiting each other’s homes, sitting around sharing about our lives, going out for dinner or shopping, or vacationing together – the gift I have been given is priceless.  In this, I am so blessed!

The Forsythia

The forsythia bush has bloomed!  With its purpose of ushering in spring it forms a line of cheerful gold everywhere I look.  With its golden flowers it signifies the time has come to awaken all who sleep, "push up little crocus – return little robin – open dear buds on neighboring bushes and trees!"  Its brilliant golden flower signifies that spring is here!

 

The winter chill has moved behind, the summer warmth lies ahead.  Do not be fooled by a few cold days – the forsythia doesn’t lie – spring has arrived and is giving time for all to fall into place.

Spring gives us a time to see new life – to be refreshed - to seek a new season of singing in our souls.

 Let go of yesterday and look up to what awaits for tomorrow!  Do not ignore the calling to a new life, a new beginning, a hope given from above.

 

Psalms 111:2 Great are the works of the LORD;
   they are pondered by all who delight in them.

Supermoon Tonight!

March 19, 2011!  The Biggest Full Moon in 18 Years!

A Supermoon is a new or full moon which occurs with the Moon at or near (within 90% of) its closest approach to Earth in a given orbit (perigee).  In short, Earth, Moon and Sun are all in a line, with Moon in its nearest approach to Earth.

It amazes me to be able to get just a glimpse of the handiwork of our Creator!
Here's just a sampling of what I was blessed to see in back of my apartment building – here in Flushing Queens tonight!

 The heavens declare the glory of God;
   the skies proclaim the work of his hands.
       – Psalm 19:1

Sarah's Key

I recently finished reading Sarah’s Key, by Tatiana de Rosnay. 

For longer than I can remember, there has been a tender place in my heart for the victims of the Holocaust and I am always amazed at the resilience of its survivors.

I love when I have the opportunity to learn something new about true events, especially of those I have never known, while reading historical fiction.  This tragic event in Paris that took place in 1942 – The Vel’ d’Hiv – is something that has left a mark on my mind, heart and soul that I believe will be there for quite some time.

Knowing Sarah as only ‘the Girl’ until almost a third into the book, contributed to being able to feel the unworthiness this 10 year old girl felt, especially before she was cared for and safe once more.  Although this caring and safety did not take away the anguish of her loss and guilt she was unable to let go of for the remainder of her life.

The contrast between trivial problems of the American Journalist, Julia compared to the critical problems of Sarah, as well as between the other victims of The Vel’ d’Hiv and the French people, give light to the heart of mankind more than we would probably like to admit.

This book is compelling – I highly recommend it.

Holding On

I don’t always understand why . . . I don’t always like what is happening . . . but I do know my God is bigger than all that is happening in this world. I have been given the hope for eternity and know my place on this earth, which is not my true home, is but a snippet and an unbelievably small portion of time with my Lord & King.  I know He has so much planned for me; for me to reach out to others and let them see His love, for me to let them hear His Word, for me the tell them of His promises.

During storms, trials and tribulations, both worldwide and personally in my life, I hold onto the one constant, never changing Word of God; I hold on to his promises, which are guaranteed by His character and His Word; I hold onto the fact that an all inspiring, holy God made a way for us to approach him personally. - 1 Timothy 2:4-6 "God our Savior, who wants all people to be saved and to come to a knowledge of the truth.  For there is one God and one mediator between God and mankind, the man Christ Jesus, who gave himself as a ransom for all people.  This has now been witnessed to at the proper time."

And I will not let go!

I pray that others will pause and wonder, pause and call out His name, pause and open their hearts.  “Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and lean not on your own understanding.  In all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make straight your paths.” – Proverbs 3:5-6

The Privilege to Worship

I am about to head out to church – to worship My Lord, who called me to be his child, who loves me as I am, who has forgiven all my iniquities, who continues to conform me into his image and lead me in my walk each and every day!

How is it that this holy God chooses to commune with us?  Why does our worship bring joy to a God who has all and is all?  God created us to honor Him and to worship Him.  God has chosen us to a personal relationship with Him.  He does not need us, or our love, yet he desires our hearts. 

And yet, no matter how many times God has touched our lives, no matter how many fascinating details we learn about His creation, no matter how many pictures we see of His galaxies, and no matter how many sunsets we watch, we still forget.

There is no way we can ever fathom all of who He is.  Words cannot contain Him – and yet we are given the privilege to worship this holy God.

“The heavens declare the glory of God; the skies proclaim the work of his hands. Day after day they pour forth speech; night after night they display knowledge. There is no speech or language where their voice is not heard. Their voice goes out into all the earth, their words to the ends of the world.” - Psalm 19:1–4

Waiting

Waiting: n. a period of time spent while expecting something to happen; v. to stay in one place or do nothing for a period of time until something happens or in the expectation or hope that something will happen.

                                                                  

In August this past year, I was in a major accident driving home from work.  As I took my regular journey on the familiar road, entering the same major intersection I do most every night, I saw an SUV suddenly make a left-hand turn, assuming to pass me before I went completely through the intersection.  On one hand, it seemed like the fastest moment and yet at the same time as if in a slow moving movie – I knew I was going to hit the side of this vehicle.

Sounds, light, heat, airbags, and an ambulance – all at once I was taken into a journey of pain, recovery, rehabilitation and healing.

My schedule is usually packed with activities that I find very little time to slow down and pause.  Between my job, involvement in my church, family and friends, very rarely do I just sit and relax.  On the rare occasion I do, I not only feel relaxed, but can see the benefit in doing so in all aspects of my life.  Yet this doesn’t seem to cause me to be sure to have enough of those moments.

It was quite an adjustment to sit and do nothing for weeks and weeks.  At the very beginning of my recovery, while still in a substantial amount of pain, I didn’t have a choice – trying to find the right position, whether sitting or sleeping, was a feat in itself.  But as I continued to heal and receive physical therapy, and the healing process progressed, it was hard to be still and let this entire process unfold.

As time passed – I was receiving an abundance of love from so many reaching out to me; bringing me meals, visiting, praying, sending gifts and cards.  I also felt a peace that cannot be understood – a “peace that surpasses understanding.”  My time with the Lord became not only my usual daily prayer and devotional time – but there were times ‘I knew that I knew’ he was with me and holding me in the palm of his hand.

One Sunday morning after my daughter helped me get settled in a comfortable place on my sofa, she left for church.  As I rested, I was praying and going through my morning devotional.  My pain was coming and going, a bit more than usual, I felt so distracted, trying to not focus on how I felt.   I had just read in Psalm 46:10, “Be still, and know that I am God.”  I felt this was a direct word to me – although it seemed a bit silly to say “Be still,” while lying there on my back; I knew my spirit was far from resting in the Lord or still.

Suddenly, I felt this overall warmth throughout my entire body, I could feel every muscle relax and for the first time since the accident I was totally rested.  Smiling, I thanked the Lord for being with me and then, my cell phone went off with a text message.  It was a message from my daughter: “Mom, we all just prayed for you at church, hope you’re feeling better.” 

As a tear flowed down my cheek I knew that waiting and being still is more than lying flat on your back – it is emptying yourself of everything that burdens you, removing the baggage you continually carry – realizing you don’t need it, although fearful to leave it behind.  It’s allowing the one who created you to fill every gap in your thoughts, emotions, and needs.  To rely on him and only him for all things.

So I continue to wait each day of my life, in a whole new light; with great expectation that my Lord would fulfill his promise, “They that wait on the Lord shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings like eagles; they shall run and not get weary; they shall walk and not faint.” – Isaiah 40:31