A Father's Heart

I was chatting with a friend at work about our parents – seeing them age and struggle in their later years, remembering so many great times with them throughout our lives – and this brought back memories, memories, memories.

I had written a bit about my Dad in a past blog, actually my Step-Dad, meeting my Mom once she returned to work after my father died when I was only 7.  Once he met her, he “just happened to be near our apartment” each morning when she left for work.

He was a NYC Cabbie – a true Cabbie that you see in old movies and TV; hard working, super friendly, chatting up a storm with his customers, picking up celebrities and telling us about them when he came home from work (along with some autographed pictures).

 

 

This handsome New York City cab driver was quite taken by my beautiful mother.  Soon they were dating and eventually my mom brought him home to meet me and my two sisters.

 

 

He definitely knew how to win my heart.  One day he stood outside our kitchen window and passed a teeny puppy through the small sliding door on our window screen.  Mom and Bill continued to date and soon he became Daddy.

They had a bumpy relationship, in a world where step families were stereotyped, where blending families was not the norm, unless one was a widow and all the children were to live in the same home.

Dad dealt with such guilt as he spent so much time with me and my sisters, unable to be with his own children as much as he would like.  I remember standing in front of my parent’s dresser looking at the large framed picture hanging above it and asking so many questions about these three children.  Dad would tear-up and not say much.  Mom would talk to me a bit more when he was at work.  I knew how much it hurt to have lost my father and never be able to see him again, so I would always think that at least these children could see their Daddy on Sundays; not realizing how very difficult that was for all of them.

Eventually we met his son, while he lived with us for a short time.  I now had a “brother” and thought this was so cool.  We lived, laughed and fought as if we were brother and sister for years, getting into trouble and paying the consequences when Dad came home from work.  But I still wondered about my “other sisters.”

Life continued and later we finally all met, too late to have enough memories as young children but still time to get to know each other and grow to care very much for each other in this stage of our lives.

Dad was a tough disciplinarian – old school – Italian temper – no gray areas.  Difficult while we were growing up – but hey, I think I turned out pretty well, and sometimes I see some of his ways were not so wrong after all.

 

His heart softened as he aged and as Mom became ill, while he had to care for her.  As he saw her struggle in her last years, he was given the opportunity to show Mom how very much he loved her; caring for her, loving her, and telling her every day that she was the most beautiful woman he had ever met (no matter how ill she became).

 

Mom passed away and Dad lost the love of his life.  I’ve said that before, but it’s the only way to describe this loss for him.  He still talks about how beautiful, loving, caring and special Mom was to him – and tears up anytime he speaks about her.

 

His present joy is now in his children and their families and lives.  The more of us that are together in one place – the more joy he experiences.  When we are blessed, he is overwhelmed with blessings of his own.  When we struggle, his heart aches for whatever is going on in our lives.  If he could find a way to “fix it all” for each of us – he would.

I think back at how he came into my life – through loss.  How his heart was softened and how close we’ve become – through loss.  How much he now means to me and how very blessed I am to have the chance to share this time in my life with him. 

 

His past struggles, his life-lessons, and his experiences are golden nuggets that he passes on to each of us to hold onto forevermore.

Random Acts of Kindness

I saw a link to a video on facebook which started out with the following quote:

“Carry out random acts of kindness, with no expectation of reward, safe in the knowledge that one day someone might do the same for you.” – Princess Diana

After watching the video – I was reminded how very little is needed to touch someone’s life profoundly.  I started to question myself, “What have I done lately for someone else?  Whose heart am I touching?  Have I brought a smile to someone recently?”

I spent some time in prayer and then knew what I was going to do.

First, I headed out to some neighborhood stores and gathered some gifts.  Once I returned home, I made a pot of homemade chicken soup.



 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

I then put together two large gift bags with special items; a warm fleece throw, warm spa socks, magazines, puzzle books, sugar free candy, sugar free cookies, sugar free hot chocolate, note pad and pens, healing hand cream, lip balm, and boxes of tissues.

After packing them up neatly, and getting together some containers of the chicken soup, I planned my visits to two of my elderly neighbors – Frank and then Ethel.

 

I usually have to call Frank before ringing his bell, since he never can hear the doorbell, due to his hearing loss and having his television blasting a few feet from his chair.  Frank is in his late 80’s.

When I identified myself on the phone, he laughed and asked, “Are you checking up on me?” – which is his usual response once I let him know its me.

 

My usual response – “not really, but would that be so bad?”  He chuckled and then I asked if I could visit him for a minute.  He gladly welcomed me into his apartment.

I told him I was thinking of him and thought he could use some special goodies.  I took the gift bag and started pulling out the various items, identifying each as I placed them on his table.

I truly believe after each item his smile grew wider and wider.  I told him that I have been praying for him and that I will continue to do so.  He said it 'felt like Christmas’ and this meant so much to him.

He asked me to sit and stay for awhile.  He talked about his past and how he is handling aging.  He shared about his hobbies and how he can’t really do so many of them anymore, due to his age.  He showed me an unbelievable model of a ship that he had hand built years back and one he has been working on for the past year.  He explained each detail, including metal anchors and intricate rigging, rolled sails, wood inlay hull, inlay deck, an ornate stern and many more. The wood on the deck was beautiful; every detail was so real that you wanted to just go on board the ship.  He was hoping he could finish this last one for his grandson, who’s now married and has children of his own.  His work was meticulous.

We chatted more and more – our visit was about 1-1/2 hours.  Then we said our farewells.  I then went back to my apartment and just paused, remembering the many years I’ve known Frank – since I moved into my apartment in 1982.  His wife ran a pre-school that both my children attended.  She passed away many years ago.

I then called my other neighbor Ethel.  Ethel has a live-in caretaker, who answered the phone.  I introduced myself and asked her if she would ask Ethel if I could visit with her for a moment.  She told me Ethel was in bed for the night and perhaps I could come by tomorrow.  The next morning, I called again and was able to stop by and see Ethel.

Ethel was so excited when I came in, after I stood approximately 6 inches in front of her and she was able to see me.  She smiled as she recognized me and called my name.  Ethel is in her mid-90’s.

As I did with Frank – I told her she was on my mind and that I had some gifts for her.  As I started to take them out of the bag, she began to cry.

I put her hands in mine – small, thin, so very frail, and held them for a moment.  I told her to enjoy this moment of being loved and let’s look at the fun goodies I had for her.  Once we finished, I handed the soup to her caretaker to put away and asked Ethel if she wanted me to put the other items back in the bag or leave them out.  She opted for leaving them out – so she can look at them and feel loved.

Ethel too, I’ve known since I moved into my apartment.  But I grew to know her personally after her husband passed away, probably over 20 years ago, when I went to the funeral service and visited her when she was sitting Shiva.  She was so touched that I came to the service and visited her and we continued to have many conversations, holding each other’s mail when we were each away, sitting on the neighborhood bench talking, etc., until she became homebound.  I try to visit her occasionally, but I know I don’t do so as much as I really could.

What amazes me is that both Frank & Ethel will never be able “to do anything” for me, and yet they actually have.  They each trust me to come into their home.  They are touched that I would visit, bring homemade soup or occasionally other dishes, and now allowed me to visit and give them these bags of goodies. 

They have no idea the gift they have given me.  They’ve allowed my heart to love a bit more; they’ve allowed me to reach out and touch their hearts; they’ve allowed me to understand the gift of giving – which can only be understood when done without motive.

“Carry out random acts of kindness, with no expectation of reward, safe in the knowledge that one day someone might do the same for you.” – Princess Diana